Ridiculous Things I Say to My Dogs

In addition to talking on behalf of Honey and Olive, I also say some other embarrassing things. It started out that I’d only talk like this in private, but over the years, I’ve apparently lost all sense of boundaries. You know how women get “mommy brain” when they have kids? Well, I seem to have “puppy brain.” Here are some examples of ridiculous things I say to my dogs…

“Funge” Pronounced “foo-nge”, like sponge with a “foo” in the front. And no, I don’t think this is a real word. Aaron made it up in reference to when Honey’s upper lip gets stuck and she looks all grumpy after she wakes up from a nap.

Grumpy Honey Follow Me on Pinterest Honey Annoyed Follow Me on Pinterest Honey Funge Follow Me on Pinterest

“Poopy Butt” As in “Olive looks like she has poopy butt”. I’m still not 100% convinced Olive will let us know when she needs to go out, and Honey likes to have mind/butt battles where she’ll try to hold it in all day. “Poopy butt” is what I tell Aaron when one of them needs to go out. Or when we’re on a walk and I’ll ask Olive or Honey, “Do you have poopy butt?”. Of course, they always answer me.

Pee-Pee Massage” Yes, more potty talk, and always said in an absurd, high-pitched voice. This is what I say to Honey while I give her a belly rub before I take her outside. I like to think it expedites the 20+ minutes it often takes her to find a suitable pee spot and get over her neuroses about going to the bathroom. Freud would have had a field day with her.

Turd” Wow, I did not realize the extent to which I talk about poop. When Olive sees a squirrel, bird, or anything she deems edible, she walks like a total turd. Her whole body language changes, she gets all tense, and walks in front of us. “Turd” is my code word to Aaron that he needs to get her under control. People walking by probably think I have Tourette’s.

What turd? Follow Me on Pinterest

Gobble Gobble” This refers to the turkey-like jiggle Honey has under her chin. So.much.neck.fat. I love it.

Honey Neck Fat Follow Me on Pinterest

Doofus” Said in a goofy song-song voice, emphasizing each syllable – “Dooooooo-fuuuuuuus”. This is my nickname for Olive whenever she does something dumb, which is most of the time. Running into walls, getting stuck under the couch, not being able to find us when we call her (we live in a 2 bedroom apartment, yet she’ll often have to check every room before she can locate us).

Olive Sees a Squirrel

Other stupid nicknames. Honey has at least 20, but these are usually on rotation: Monkey Butt, Honey Bunny, Puggle Pants. I’m totally nuts.

Is that a puggle?!” When we moved from Boston to San Francisco (and then back again), we drove across the country so we wouldn’t have to put Honey (or ourselves) through the stress and anxiety of checking her on a plane. Although the puggle trend is pretty much over in most East and West coast cities, it seems the middle of the country is just catching on. People would literally come running over or stop their cars and exclaim “Oh my god! Is that a puggle?!” at least five times a day. Honey seemed to enjoy her celebrity status, so I still yell “Is that a puggle?!” whenever I want to get her riled up.

Olive & Honey Follow Me on Pinterest

What’s something ridiculous you say to your pet? Please don’t leave me hangin’ here.

Comments

  1. says

    Okay, how much time do you have? Silly names: Monkey-tussy, Fifi Muffinette, Murphles, Momoschmolomo, Oooshy-tushy. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I actually think I no longer have a regular vocabulary, which takes me one step closer to “crazy-dog-lady”

  2. Michelle says

    I can totally relate. I am glad I am not the only one who does this!! Ha ha!
    My boy’s name is Max, but he goes by Maxi Pants the Dog who wants to wear pants, Bunny Butt chaser, Monkey Man, The Boy, My sweet love puppy maker, and Maxi Pads! I love what you said about Tourette’s, maybe my neighboors are thinking the same about me when I say “Maxi Pads, come on!” Haha, you made me smile not only at your story, but at myself. Love your recipes too!

    • says

      I love all of your nicknames for Max! I can only imagine what I’ll be like if I have kids…I’ll be that mom, always embarrassing them. :)

  3. says

    We ask the dogs if they have to go “wizzle bear” for pee breaks. The neck flap on chickens next is like your puggle, but we pull it out to the sides and she looks like a flying squirrel so we call her “squirrel girl”. When the dogs get their teeth stuck on their gums, and/or there faces are all smushed from a nap, we aptly call it “schmush face” and try to point it out quickly to one another so you can see it before their faces relax. Its the little things ya know?

    • says

      We do the same thing with “funge face” – hurrying to point it out before Honey fixes it. haha It’s definitely the little things!

  4. says

    This is so funny! My most recent nickname for my dog is little piggy. She is getting old, but she’s a cocker spaniel who still looks like a stocky little puppy… whenever she sniffs around or starts eating she makes a pig snorting noise, and I’ve always wanted a pet pig so I call her my little piggy!

    • says

      So cute! I wanted a pet pig when I was little, and I wouldn’t turn one down if it was offerred to me today. :) I heard they’re supposed to be really clean (not sure if that’s true) and more intelligent than dogs.

  5. says

    Ooooh my god I Looooooooove it!!
    I love your doggies, first of all. I love how expressive Honey’s face is and how happy-go-lucky Olive looks. In my house, Honey would be Jackson and Olive would be Lance.
    I have conversations with my dogs on a daily basis (especially the last two days when Greg has been gone). I rarely call Lance by his name. He’s Lancey-lou-lou. Or Lou. Or Louis Lou. Or just Louuuuuuuuuie (in a high-pitched voice). Jackson is Jacksie Waxie. I also call him “little prince” when he sits on top of things and acts like he owns the place. But, I do it in this deep voice (what I call my Lion King voice) that sounds like James Earl Jones.
    And I say “hi babies” in a ridiculously high-pitched voice all the time.
    If you’re nuts, then so am I. :)

  6. says

    This post just cracked me up and simultaneously made me feel better about the post I just wrote for tomorrow which references poop way too much for a food blog.
    We have about 15 names for Ginger that I’m seriously surprised she even knows her real name. From “Ginger-rillis” to “little-little” (said in a baby voice) to “shit roller” to “Ginger-pie” the list goes on and on. I still call her “puppy” even though she’ll be 5 in 2 months. I can’t even imagine what we’d be like with a real child…

  7. ddemos says

    I can’t believe I’m even admitting this…but it started out as boo boo…then it became bubushka, then bubushka mooshka. He also answers to monkey monk.

    I’m going to hide now…

  8. says

    We don’t have….conventional pets. A cockatiel named Bella and a bearded dragon named Marshall.

    Sometimes, when no one else is home, I’ll “confide” in Marshall when I have a problem, talk it through with him. LOL. I know he’s not going to give me much sound advise, but sometimes I think it just helps to know a set of ears are listening!

  9. says

    those pups of yours are simply adorable. I saw a black puggle a few days ago. I was on my bike and I whizzed past pointing and shouting ‘puggle, puggle’. I was soon on my own during that bike ride. x

  10. Michele says

    I just came across your website today and have spent most of my lunch hour on it. :) Your dogs are adorable. My dog, Belle, is an almost 1 year old, so her number one nickname is Baby Belle which I always say in a sing-song voice pronouncing every syllable Baaaaaabbyyyyy Belllllllle, Baaaaaabbyyyy Belllllle. I also put her name into other songs such as Michael Jacksons PYT…”I want to love you, BBL, Baby Belle Lynn (middle name) and then for the lyrics “pretty young thing, repeat after me, say na na na na”…it’s Baby Belle Lynn, repeat after me…etc lol. You get the point. I don’t think my husband has picked up on that I’m singing to the PYT song and he just thinks i’m crazy singing to our dog ” Repeat after me, say na na na na” :)
    Thanks for all the great recipes with ingredients that are easy to find. :)

  11. says

    Amazing, love this post! My doggies live with my parents but I call the boy (Franklin) Mr. Lips. I got it from some random book years ago. But I say it in a really weird accent so that it comes out like “Meeestah Leeeps.” So whenever I finally get to see him after a long period of time, I’m saying things like, “Ah-whoooz-a Meeestah Leeeeps?!!!” (Trans-Who is Mr. Lips.) The girl (Roxie) I call Mrs. Chuppice (Chup-iss) and I have no idea why.

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